every beat of my heart

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

You cant always get what you want.
-Mick Jagger

We dont live in a perfect world.
Learn to live with the imperfect situations, unresolved issues, unfulfilled expectations without losing your great spirit.
There's always something that isnt the way you want it.
Get happy in spite of this.
As you deal with it, stay happy, not upset.
If the unresolved problem gets you, den it's won
Stay on top even when it's trying to get you down, and you'll win.
This is Christianity at it's best.
Staying up in a down situation.
That's leadership.

wow.
the leadership files sure has good stuff to offer (:

so yeah,
i BAKED again TODAY!! ( : ( : ( :
beloved macademia nut cookies (:
it is the first and nicest success ever in the cookie realm because i used less butter (:
finally my cookies are in cookies and not one piece of cookie in the whole tray :p

i was thinking,
should i post my mini messages up on my blog?
hmmm..
sea of galilee and not the dead sea...

*ponder*

to all in favour,
tag YES! x)

*throbs @23:21
0 <3

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

preaching test part1

roar! (:
i'm now at clarke quay and i'm suppose to be formulating my sermon on prosperity. but hmmmm, guess i kinda went distracted :p

heh.
okay, so preaching test has advanced into day2.
i guess it's kinda obvious to me that my message constructing isnt exactly my strong point. both days, my evaluator has smth to say bout my message ): i guess it's still a good thing to know that. so like marie said, know your strong points that you can bank on it. know your weak points that you can work on it.

so yupp,
day1 was on faith. i dunno if it's my delivering was too haste that i did not manage to explain and fully grasp the picture well while preaching. but the comments were kinda discouraging. like my hair was already braided up but yet my hair was still a problem identified. pfft. i was trying not the be nervous throughout the whole 'waiting for my turn' process. turned out when i picked up that mike, haha, my legs started to tremble :D like shake shake shake. ahhhhhh! nerve wreck!

well day2 was definitely much better (: today was on healing. and no my legs did not tremble. i guess marie was a better help with her comments. i have to agree with her that my sermon today didnt really have a *WHAM* focus. but hmmm.. i still need to take my evaluators comments into mind la.

i tink i need to work on my altar call (:
that even though my message may not be that good, but who knows, maybe cuz of a good altar call, it may juz wow the people away (: yay. i shall visualize that.

*throbs @18:15
0 <3

Monday, June 23, 2008

emo some more ):

eventful week?
i wish i could say it in a more positive light.
guess eventful should be tilting more the other direction.

maybe it's always the in the middle of the night thingy.
i know i'm suppose to be preparing my sermon which i'm suppose to be preaching in a few hours time. but sharks i cant concentrate to find my content. still, special thanks to naddie and jianda for being part of my formulation of my pointers.

argh.
i'm feeling really restless.
i feel like i'm shortchanging myself.
i feel like doing smth but yet i have no idea what i want to do.
i still need that outlet.
and i guess it's really times like this that i wish for smth more than what i'm given.

maybe i need one more week of being on my own.
(i had bout 5 days of it already.) but honestly it's really hard to just shut off. (other than the one whom i wanted to thank for making my day but ending up ruining it even worse later) i know that some people still do care, and that they want to know what's going on so as to be supportive. though i gave many a cold shoulder, still thanks and sorry to the many that tried to be encouraging. i really needed the time alone.

i wouldnt say i'm not feeling released after saying all that i've said. i've really come to some point where i'm assured that ministry isnt going to be a factor that should keep me from going overseas. but i still somehow feel that there should have been smth more to just that 3hours(?) of talking. i should have come to a consensus of agreement inside of me, but somehow there's still that churning of thoughts within. i guess naddie put it across perfectly. it's like closing the door but keeping the window open.

but anyway, kungfu panda iz a really good show (: i've watched it but i wouldnt spoil it for those who haven. so go catch it. it's got a thousand and one values to learn from and i wouldnt mind buying the show when it comes out in the stores. one thing really struck me was the knowing that different people has to undergo trainings from different ways. all in all according to who they are. bwaha (: custom made to fit individuals, only den will it be effective.

"There's a story about a group of Chinese men walking through the woods beside a rushing river. Suddenly, they spotted the body of an old man bobbing up and down in the roaring rapids.

"Thinking the old man was dead, they ran to the river's edge trying to figure out how they were going to fish the body out of the water so that it wouldn't be swept out to sea. Their discussion came to an abrupt halt when the old man, who they had thought was dead, emerged out of the water, dried himself off and started walking away. The men ran after the old man and asked, 'How did you survive in that water? No one could swim in that water without being killed.'

"It is really easy,' the old man replied. 'I just went up when the water went up, and down when the water went down."

- Carnelian Sage

We always have a choice in how we will meet life's more difficult moments. We can either resist and fight what is happening, thereby risking getting sucked in by the turmoil and drowned in our own misery, or we can ride the current, bobbing along with each wave until we are carried aloft through the rapids and into the peaceful and quiet stream at its end. That, after all, is what going with the flow really means.

maybe i just really need to go with life's flow.

*throbs @00:37
0 <3

Monday, June 16, 2008

bad throat!

roar ):
i feel like a lion that cannot roar ):

my throat hurts!! ): ): ):!
i've learnt my lesson. knowing that resistence to chocolate is futile but it'll really take ALL OF ME to make me eat chocolate next time ): i hope there wont be a next!!!! sad. i cant even swallow water with ease ): pfft

if you love me(friend or foe), dont make me eat chocolate when i'm sick! i'll only be more than thankful to you! (: though you might need to put up a good fight against me first :p

okay,
updates!
last week's youth camp i shan't talk too much about it..
the funn-est part was acting as a ghost on "left behind" night. (: nostalgic that's how mingwei and i felt (: feels like back in sec school, playing night games. and as usual, i was the ghost again (: i muz have done such a good job at it that they made me be one this time x) or den again, maybe cuz i look like a ghost. MUAHAHA :D

best part of the camp that impacted me most was the DRAMA. although the starting of the DRAMA i was lost(cuz i blur didnt notice the subtitles scrolling), so when i was found again, it really STRUCK me. smite my heart to see how when they say we should persist for more of God should be like. the way Mayce just FOUGHT literally to reach out for Jesus(Xue En). not juz once, but every time when she was pulled back she fought again. WOW (: and finally when Jesus intercepted and took on all the restraints that held us down (: mindblowing.
p.s ailin, GREAT JOB! (:

and the most memorable was not being able to sleep cuz i never once remembered doing HOMEWORK in camp! ah! but yeah (: i completed my SOT assignment and yay (: on time.

this week is so gonna be hell week in terms of assignments and things to do!!! x)
BUT!
i AM an overcomer (: yay (:

yupp,
as usual, today iz monday.. monday blues? kinda. i dunno why but smth happened juz before lessons started. it drew me away throughout the whole day of lessons. it was really hard to stay awake ): i shut off a few times, cultural mandate can get kinda heavy, or maybe it's juz me being allergic to studying x)

anyway, after this morning rushed down to work. reported late cuz of a phone call which was very impt to me and which left me with alot of things to settle and think and reflect and decide about. start late end late. with things to think and a throat not willing to talk, didnt feel like working. clocked very much lesser calls than usual. made no appts except one which i repent about, (still thanks fishy for helping me out with the 'appt'!)

dinner at home brightened my day a little (:
and to make my day better (:
i baked.
amen (:

hope it'll taste nice when i try it tmr or smth,
til den, gotta run! (:

that's all for the randomness of today! (:

*throbs @23:45
0 <3

Saturday, June 07, 2008

quotes. the plan to do smth.

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein."
- H Jackson Brown
The one special quality that you possess that none of the others mentioned had is your own unique perspective. No one can give to the world what you can, just as no one can make this time your own but you. And the blessing is, as Anne Frank so beautifully pointed out, "...nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."

There is no perfect moment and opportunity to get things done. it's now or never.
-------------------

"You hear it all the time: a new experience cannot occur until you clear a space. It sounds like a cliche, but it is logical and true. If a house is full of clutter, there is no room for a new piano. You must clear away a space. If you buy a new refrigerator, you must get rid of the old one. It's logical. Everyone knows its true — but how often do we resist this lesson when it comes to the clutter in our mind?
"We keep hatred, grievances, jealousy and limitation — all the while trying to move in HUGE new ideas like love, joy and abundance.
"These things literally will not fit in your mind while it is cluttered with old ideas."
-Lisa Natoli
A cluttered mind really is a terrible space to waste. Maybe it's time to pack away a few old beliefs and ideas along with those negative reactions that harm you so you can get on with the business of developing a beautifully blessed life.

i need to clear off both the seen and unseen mess soon..
---------------------

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no results.
- Ghandi
The people who make the most significant differences in our world are not those who are fearless but those who fear that they will not make a difference but make the effort anyway. Fearlessness is not necessary for world change. But willingness is.

and then decide to really get down to DO smth..
-----------------

" Success is built on the ability to do better than good enough."
- Author unknown
Success is also the ability to expect and prepare for the best. For when we prepare daily to see beauty, love, joy, peace, prosperity and wholeness, wherever we go; when we prepare to see a world filled with goodness and richness and bounty; when we prepare to see ourselves and everyone around us as the truly remarkable individuals we were meant to be, then through our preparation, that which we expect is formed. And we are open to the blessings that flow when all that wonderful preparation begins to pay off.

and then bank it on success to do better than good enough.

gentle reminder: i am not here to plan to make a plan but to put the plan into action.

"We are always getting ready to live, but never living."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Far too many of us spend our entire lives as if we were planning a vacation. "We'll do this when we get there," we promise ourselves, and "we must be sure to see that!" And then we just keep on planning. Unfortunately, life is not the plan. It's the vacation.

*throbs @03:05
0 <3

Sunday, June 01, 2008

weekend bummer + track gathering

i need something someone anyone anything to cheer me up right now.
i know i shouldnt be emo and no i shouldnt be feeling what i'm feeling right now.

sigh.

thursday. cgm cgm. revealed who my angel was and it was expected. angel got me a pretty notebook. just that it's lined ): but anyway, i'm glad the people enjoyed angel and mortal. dunno if they'll read this but i honestly hope this would be the turning point of the cg. how else can people catch the DNA of family?

friday. was the day laiyoong has been renamed from superman to blur king :p haha! went for laser quest outing as a cell. well i'd say it wasnt as fun as the previous time? it was alright. i still kinda feel that paying $10 for 2games is so not worth it. their system crashed and we only got to play half what we're suppose to play. shouldnt they give refund or smth?! tsk. anyway, CAREY! hope you're feeling better already!! lame in both ways but i'm very sure one will get better!! (: the walking one for sure!

anyway, laiyoong iz called blur king cuz he was suppose to hop into the train kendrick and i were in. but nope, he hopped into the train, that was heading to boon lay. x) anyway it was funny. kendrick was a really good company. thanks kendrick (:

saturday. was yet another long day. went out for breakfast and movies, BnJ and pool which i enjoyed. serviced. den went to meet up with my track mates (:

well it's been a long time since we had a track gathering. though by the time i reached, a few has already left. was feeling kinda tired and touchy but arvin and jud always made it seem alright (: so arvin drove (: i miss sitting in his car. he's got new additions of soft toys!! and that poor CJ7's head got squished a million times by jud :p wanted to head to timbre for drinks but the queue was too long. so went to BnJ again for ice cream which i didnt eat cuz it was late at night(fattening!) :p didnt really get to catch up with the guys much. wasnt in much mood to talk and most of them were tired. took some shots den yupp. headed home.

i guess the night was still fine?
yeah.

bummer.

it's been long since i wanted to juz lose it.
now i really juz want to lose it.

i feel like running but yet i dun feel like running.
maybe i should juz go swim. but i dun wanna get too tanned.
i cant keep eating no i definitely cannot.
maybe i should juz go ecp and run and scream and ah.

thanks rae for the reminder.
maybe i should just turn to my ABBA.

do you tink He will listen?

*throbs @15:46
0 <3